I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
