I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
