So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
