The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
