Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
