I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
