nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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