I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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