yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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