I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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