Where is the hickey?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
