I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
