I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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