You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
