my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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