He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
