I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
