I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Randomize
