Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
