Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
