Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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