i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
