his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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