NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
