she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
