Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
