No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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