someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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