My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
