i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
