If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
