normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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