the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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