If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
