if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
