my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
