Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
