I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
