i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
