i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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