Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
