i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
