I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
