I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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