About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
