Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
