Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
