thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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