dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
