I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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