1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm jealous of your bromance
Welp...herpes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
