Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
