my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
